Siiiigh.

Man, losing weight is SO HARD. I was feeling so good about myself the other day (after weighing in in the 145s), but now I am feeling fat and blah again today.

At work today there was free cake, ice cream, and fruit and veggie platter. I did NOT eat the cake or ice cream. (yay!) I did, however, eat an absurd amount of fruit. why? Because fruit is healthy, and it was FREE. (Fresh pineapple ain't cheap!) But then I felt all bloated and gross all afternoon. (And the South Beach Diet allows you to have a piece or two of fruit a day...not 4 bowls full). So when I got home I was all depressed about it, and felt like eating stuff. I don't have any "bad" food in the house (thank god!) but I did eat WAY too many nuts...like several big handfuls, which is a million calories, and also some unsweetened peanut butter off the spoon.

WHY? WHY?! Raw unsalted nuts don't even taste that good. It's so stupid.

Anyway, the good news is that I stopped myself mid-spoonful of peanut butter, and said enough is enough, and then I chewed some gum and drank some water and rode my bike for 20 mins. The bad news is that I am still overeating all the time. On better food, but still...I won't lose any weight this way.

Okay, if Judith was here, I think she would tell me to give myself credit first:

- I didn't end up all-out binging at dairy queen or something. I overate, but I DID stop myself, eventually.

- I have been doing really well at not eating junk food!

And then Judith would ask what I could do next time:

- When I feel like eating, but I'm not really hungry, DON'T EAT. Get my freaking response cards out! Go for a walk! Read a book! Meditate! (I have never actually meditated in my life, but perhaps I should start!)

I know I can do this...I HAVE to do this! C'mon Lizzy!

Anyway, tomorrow is also a work bbq. I WILL NOT allow myself to end up eating junky hotdogs and chips and crap like that...I like healthier stuff better than that anyway. So I will eat a sensible lunch of my own, and then tell myself "NO CHOICE!" at everything else. (The 'no choice' thing is actually working out pretty well for me...)

I also have some dinner outings coming up this weekend, so I'll post my Plan of Attack for those tomorrow.

Day 33 in the beck book is Eliminate Emotional Eating. Well, I think we just covered that!